Websters defines “intentional” as “done on purpose; deliberate.” That definition is enough to drive me far, far away from the word. Most of the time, I feel like I am anything but intentional. I want to be. I long to be. In fact, I even plan out my calendar down to the tiniest detail thinking that I’ll be intentional with my time if I can check off my to-do boxes. I have sticky notes plastered all over my calendar to help break down tasks so I am more “intentional” in my homemaking, or my cleaning, or homeschooling, or teaching, or work. However, I’ve come to realize that I could use a whole pad of sticky notes and still not be intentional. I may or may not even be productive. I am just busy. I don’t want to be known as a busy person. I want to be known as a person who poured out her life on others intentionally.
I am that girl who tells my children “Come on! Hurry up. I’ve got 50 million things to do, so let’s pick up the pace.” Yes, I’m aware that I may exaggerate a bit, but in the heat of the moment it feels like there’s 50 million things to do! Only lately, I have been prioritizing. Having my third child has made me think about this word “intentional” a lot more. My house used to be picked up. It was fairly easy with two kiddos. Add in homeschooling, working, and running a household, well, something has to give. Sadly, that something has been the state of my house. My floors haven’t been mopped in a while. I’m not even sure I remember where I’ve put it at the moment. My vacuum still has the cord out and I keep stepping over it, just in case I get a second to vacuum. My table has breakfast cereal on it still and my Bible study that is halfway finished. My counters…do I even have counters? At the moment, I’m truly not sure. The other day, I cleaned off two sections of my kitchen counters in 30 minutes. 30 minutes you guys! That’s ridiculous! But alas, that’s the truth of the situation facing me now. It does cause some anxiety in my heart as I look at the mess and think of all I need to do. However, I’ve come to the point where I’m so overwhelmed that I’ve thrown up my hands, sat on my bottom, propped my feet up, and decided to…..blog. Yes. I’ve given up control. I’ll find the rhythm of getting it all done again now that we have finished the majority of our homeschool work. That gives me back my entire morning, thankfully!
I don’t want to fall into my old habits, though, of having a clean house but neglecting to read or play or draw with my kids. We like to take walks and I don’t want to be so busy that we can’t continue adding that into our days. So that means something has to give. I can’t do it all or be all. I used to think I could, but now I’m learning to let go. Intentional living is deliberate. It’s prioritizing one thing over another. It’s taking something that may be good and allowing it to be pushed aside for something that is better for me or my family. Culture says to be busy. God says to be intentional. That’s my goal for my life. Now I am in the process of learning how.